"Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away"
-Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859
Friday, October 28, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Abhay
"If you and I are a story
That never gets told
If what you are is a daydream
I'll never get to hold, at least you'll know
You're beautiful, every little piece, love
Don't you know, you're really gonna be someone
Ask anyone
And when you find everything you looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my front door
Oh but if it don't, stay beautiful"
From the very first time that I heard this gay Taylor Swift song, you were the only thing that popped into my head. Nothing could describe it better. You were that beautiful boy for me from the very beginning.
3 years back, I fell in love with my best friend and I was the luckiest girl on earth because this awesome boy felt the same way about me. He was mature, sweet, caring, good looking and everything I ever dreamt of in a perfect boy. But then, as they say some things are just meant to be in a certain way. I lost the love of my life but was lucky enough to have my best friend back. Maybe that's all we ever supposed to be. Maybe.
But let me tell you this, You are and always will be the sanest guy I ever went out with. And our good times certainly over ride our bads. Most importantly to me, you showed me and rest of the world that I was worthy of being loved, no matter how I looked. Those silent fights with the rest of the world, only we know what those felt like. When the little gangs of people tried coming in between and killing us, you stood like a shield in front of me, dodging every little worry that came our way. I am forever grateful. Without you, those days would have been hell.
We laughed and cried together and been there to weep away each others tears (mostly you wiping away mine, but yeah) When my heart broke for the first time, even though we were miles apart, you were the first one I told. It was instinctive. I knew no one else would be there just to understand what I was going through except you.
As I write this, I feel tears trickling down my cheeks and I realize how much I miss you. Like any other time, when I tell you I miss you, I actually mean it.
If you're the only ex I'm in comfortable talking terms with, it obviously does mean something. You have brought more joy to my life than you'll ever realize Abhay. And I think of you, whenever life brings me down, and I think to myself he'd probably call me an idiot for crying, and so I wipe my tears away.
If it hadn't been for you, I would have been driving myself and others over the wall by doing psychology. You were right, it never was a thing for me.
If it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have discovered my love for photography, my love for capturing some of life's most beautiful moments on a piece of reel.
If I hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have had the chance to meet some of the most awesome people I know. And as one of them would rightly scream, 'DESTINY'. Yes, it was probably that. From the very beginning. Growing up together, hating each other, fighting with one and another, those shy glances, growing into best friends, falling in love and then ending up as friends who can't do without each other. (I take it for granted that you can't live without me too. Lol) We've lived a lifetime in these 20 years. And I cannot be more glad that you pushed me down the swing 14 years back. Cuz that's where it all started, and from there, there was no looking back. Now that I think about it, I even arranged for the most romantic kiss for you and your girlfriend one Diwali :P
Despite all the niceness,there have been times I wished that you stopped behaving like an over possessive husband, I didn't understand it then, but now I know it was probably for my own good. I've always been the little kid who refuses to understand important things, thank you for helping me grow up. :) It would've saved me a lot of heartbreak if I had just heeded your words.
Nevertheless, you were the best friend when I needed one desperately and my worst enemy when it came to choosing other guys.
I might not have been the best friend or even a good friend at that but I hope that I can make up for that now. Don't give up on me. Your support means a lot and so do you.
That girl with you now is darn lucky and I hope she knows it. :)
Happy Birthday Abhay Prahaladan. You mean the world to me lunatic, and you always will.
I'll always miss sneaking out and meeting you late at night. Lol.
And sorry for the long ramblings, this was long overdue.
With lots of love from home and NC,
Yours,
SUGI :D
That never gets told
If what you are is a daydream
I'll never get to hold, at least you'll know
You're beautiful, every little piece, love
Don't you know, you're really gonna be someone
Ask anyone
And when you find everything you looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my front door
Oh but if it don't, stay beautiful"
From the very first time that I heard this gay Taylor Swift song, you were the only thing that popped into my head. Nothing could describe it better. You were that beautiful boy for me from the very beginning.
3 years back, I fell in love with my best friend and I was the luckiest girl on earth because this awesome boy felt the same way about me. He was mature, sweet, caring, good looking and everything I ever dreamt of in a perfect boy. But then, as they say some things are just meant to be in a certain way. I lost the love of my life but was lucky enough to have my best friend back. Maybe that's all we ever supposed to be. Maybe.
But let me tell you this, You are and always will be the sanest guy I ever went out with. And our good times certainly over ride our bads. Most importantly to me, you showed me and rest of the world that I was worthy of being loved, no matter how I looked. Those silent fights with the rest of the world, only we know what those felt like. When the little gangs of people tried coming in between and killing us, you stood like a shield in front of me, dodging every little worry that came our way. I am forever grateful. Without you, those days would have been hell.
We laughed and cried together and been there to weep away each others tears (mostly you wiping away mine, but yeah) When my heart broke for the first time, even though we were miles apart, you were the first one I told. It was instinctive. I knew no one else would be there just to understand what I was going through except you.
As I write this, I feel tears trickling down my cheeks and I realize how much I miss you. Like any other time, when I tell you I miss you, I actually mean it.
If you're the only ex I'm in comfortable talking terms with, it obviously does mean something. You have brought more joy to my life than you'll ever realize Abhay. And I think of you, whenever life brings me down, and I think to myself he'd probably call me an idiot for crying, and so I wipe my tears away.
If it hadn't been for you, I would have been driving myself and others over the wall by doing psychology. You were right, it never was a thing for me.
If it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have discovered my love for photography, my love for capturing some of life's most beautiful moments on a piece of reel.
If I hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have had the chance to meet some of the most awesome people I know. And as one of them would rightly scream, 'DESTINY'. Yes, it was probably that. From the very beginning. Growing up together, hating each other, fighting with one and another, those shy glances, growing into best friends, falling in love and then ending up as friends who can't do without each other. (I take it for granted that you can't live without me too. Lol) We've lived a lifetime in these 20 years. And I cannot be more glad that you pushed me down the swing 14 years back. Cuz that's where it all started, and from there, there was no looking back. Now that I think about it, I even arranged for the most romantic kiss for you and your girlfriend one Diwali :P
Despite all the niceness,there have been times I wished that you stopped behaving like an over possessive husband, I didn't understand it then, but now I know it was probably for my own good. I've always been the little kid who refuses to understand important things, thank you for helping me grow up. :) It would've saved me a lot of heartbreak if I had just heeded your words.
Nevertheless, you were the best friend when I needed one desperately and my worst enemy when it came to choosing other guys.
I might not have been the best friend or even a good friend at that but I hope that I can make up for that now. Don't give up on me. Your support means a lot and so do you.
That girl with you now is darn lucky and I hope she knows it. :)
Happy Birthday Abhay Prahaladan. You mean the world to me lunatic, and you always will.
I'll always miss sneaking out and meeting you late at night. Lol.
And sorry for the long ramblings, this was long overdue.
With lots of love from home and NC,
Yours,
SUGI :D
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Hey Soul Sister
Alright. You aren't a sister. Or anywhere close to being a woman. But nothing could describe my feelings for you better than the term soul sister. From the moment I heard it, I knew someone would come along someday who'd sing it to me. It's nothing romantic really. I've learnt that, finally. That love, doesn't need to be romantic to be love. I could be more in love with you than I've ever been with any other man, but I still wouldn't call it romantic. Then what would it be? Well I really don't know. And I promised I wouldn't question it. So I won't.
Nevertheless, this is an ode to you, my companion,best friend, messaging buddy, lover, brother, father, boyfriendish something, friend with accidental benefits, my soul sister and finally my Afreen. The only thing you'll never be to me is a mother, because that's me to you and I have a wonderful one of my own.
When I was lost and out on my own and trying hard to put on a brave face and wipe my own tears, you came and held me close and told me all types of assholes exist in the world. You never told me to fall in love with you and neither did you expect anything in return.
Something that started off so small and so unexpectedly, has turned out to be the most beautiful phase of my life. And it's all because of you.
Thank you :)
What we are, the world won't understand. Hell, I don't think we do either. But it doesn't matter as long as we have each other. For the first time in my life, I'm not afraid. Not afraid to let go, because when I fall, I know it'll be into your arms. And yes, you'll probably bite me after, but that doesn't matter, cause I'll just bite you back. Yes baby, for everything you do, you will get an equal reaction. If you spank my ass, your non-existent ass can kiss itself goodbye. And if you kiss me, your lips don't need to wait for much longer. I won't regret it. Not one bit. Nothing has felt more warm actually. It surprises me how comfortable I was in your arms. All the time. And the ease with which you carried all the weight of my shoulders and blew it into the wind, like it never even existed.
The look on my face when you told me that she kissed you was only matched by the same on yours when I told you that he did the same with me. Same night, same place, when everyone thought we were 'taken'. You're most definitely mine, but you sure aren't 'taken'. Yes, there is a difference.
It's funny, how every love song reminds me of you but I still would never want to date you. It would ruin the sanctity of anything and everything that's going on now.
If you ever read this, you'd probably scream 'GAY' in your head. But go ahead, do it. Maybe I am a little gay afterall. And well, so are you :P
They see the change around me too. Everyone does. And it's the good one. The only thing they hate is how often we meet :P Do we plan it really? NO! It just works out I believe, and will they understand that? NO! Ofcourse they wont. I don't expect them too.
Coincidentally, as I write this, I remember and laugh, it's been six months since I met you Khurana. Six months. Feels like a lifetime doesn't it? Everything just seems longer and slower sometimes and then sometimes you realize how fast it's gone by. Confused state of affairs really.
So, before I forget, Happy Anniversary! :P Yes, you can shout GAY again.
We've reached a milestone, and never even realized. That's the connection Buoy. Right there. From the moment you walked into Abhay's house exactly six months back and curtly nodded at me and walked away, till that time when you looked me in the eyes and kissed me on the nose a week back, I have always looked at your face and smiled. Your face man, it just does things to me...
Not sexually. Chill.
At the moment, I can think of a million songs which were written just for us. All the ones I've ever told you about. Somewhere deep down, there is a connection.
How we got here? I don't know. But I do know that we were meant to. Destiny baby, destiny :)
I tried my best to hide my heart away cause I was scared of getting hurt and I still am, but I know and believe that you will never be the one to hurt me or bring tears to my eyes. I gave you a part of me, I know you can break but I trust you never to break it.
I want to say a million more things, but you won't stop texting, and I'm very tempted to text back. So that's all for now. I've given you enough of an ego boost for 10 years. And I expect repayment of some sort, preferably if you could meet me more often :) Dooriyaan zaroori toh hain, par itni bhi nahi :)
Okay bas. Bye.
Yes I lovuu too :P
Mwaah,
Juu/Jutadh/Chu chu/Juggie/Jogggie/Jugni/BALL
"Out of the doubt that fills my mind,
I finally find, You and I, Collide"
Nevertheless, this is an ode to you, my companion,best friend, messaging buddy, lover, brother, father, boyfriendish something, friend with accidental benefits, my soul sister and finally my Afreen. The only thing you'll never be to me is a mother, because that's me to you and I have a wonderful one of my own.
When I was lost and out on my own and trying hard to put on a brave face and wipe my own tears, you came and held me close and told me all types of assholes exist in the world. You never told me to fall in love with you and neither did you expect anything in return.
Something that started off so small and so unexpectedly, has turned out to be the most beautiful phase of my life. And it's all because of you.
Thank you :)
What we are, the world won't understand. Hell, I don't think we do either. But it doesn't matter as long as we have each other. For the first time in my life, I'm not afraid. Not afraid to let go, because when I fall, I know it'll be into your arms. And yes, you'll probably bite me after, but that doesn't matter, cause I'll just bite you back. Yes baby, for everything you do, you will get an equal reaction. If you spank my ass, your non-existent ass can kiss itself goodbye. And if you kiss me, your lips don't need to wait for much longer. I won't regret it. Not one bit. Nothing has felt more warm actually. It surprises me how comfortable I was in your arms. All the time. And the ease with which you carried all the weight of my shoulders and blew it into the wind, like it never even existed.
The look on my face when you told me that she kissed you was only matched by the same on yours when I told you that he did the same with me. Same night, same place, when everyone thought we were 'taken'. You're most definitely mine, but you sure aren't 'taken'. Yes, there is a difference.
It's funny, how every love song reminds me of you but I still would never want to date you. It would ruin the sanctity of anything and everything that's going on now.
If you ever read this, you'd probably scream 'GAY' in your head. But go ahead, do it. Maybe I am a little gay afterall. And well, so are you :P
They see the change around me too. Everyone does. And it's the good one. The only thing they hate is how often we meet :P Do we plan it really? NO! It just works out I believe, and will they understand that? NO! Ofcourse they wont. I don't expect them too.
Coincidentally, as I write this, I remember and laugh, it's been six months since I met you Khurana. Six months. Feels like a lifetime doesn't it? Everything just seems longer and slower sometimes and then sometimes you realize how fast it's gone by. Confused state of affairs really.
So, before I forget, Happy Anniversary! :P Yes, you can shout GAY again.
We've reached a milestone, and never even realized. That's the connection Buoy. Right there. From the moment you walked into Abhay's house exactly six months back and curtly nodded at me and walked away, till that time when you looked me in the eyes and kissed me on the nose a week back, I have always looked at your face and smiled. Your face man, it just does things to me...
Not sexually. Chill.
At the moment, I can think of a million songs which were written just for us. All the ones I've ever told you about. Somewhere deep down, there is a connection.
How we got here? I don't know. But I do know that we were meant to. Destiny baby, destiny :)
I tried my best to hide my heart away cause I was scared of getting hurt and I still am, but I know and believe that you will never be the one to hurt me or bring tears to my eyes. I gave you a part of me, I know you can break but I trust you never to break it.
I want to say a million more things, but you won't stop texting, and I'm very tempted to text back. So that's all for now. I've given you enough of an ego boost for 10 years. And I expect repayment of some sort, preferably if you could meet me more often :) Dooriyaan zaroori toh hain, par itni bhi nahi :)
Okay bas. Bye.
Yes I lovuu too :P
Mwaah,
Juu/Jutadh/Chu chu/Juggie/Jogggie/Jugni/BALL
"Out of the doubt that fills my mind,
I finally find, You and I, Collide"
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