She says I always walk like I have a purpose in life, somewhere to be.
She says that someday I'll be successful, but she also says that someday I might be the kind of woman who wouldn't care less about family, children, blah blah.
The fact that she thinks these things about me, makes me happy.
But it's pretty much the contrary if you ask me.
They're reading the signs all wrong.
When I'm walking with my brow creased, it's because I'm thinking a seven million different things at the same time, my path isn't defined, I'm just a confused little girl putting on a brave face.
Someday I fear, I'll be left to the streets, with no where to go and no one to hold.
And I also think that someday will take place due to the annoying fact that I care too much, about people around me, about people who love me, people who did love me in the past and people who presently detest my very being.
Sometimes, I just wish for the whole world to stop moving around so much, doing so much, thinking so much and creating a million barriers for each other. My head often interferes in that thought process with a sarcastic 'You're the one to talk' . And snap, I'm back to reality, where me, and the world and what I make of it, are too bothered with each other.
STOP CARING, I wrote big and black all over my note book, but the words just stared emptily at me, wondering why they were even scribbled with such fury. No effect. Zilch.
I wash my face and look around, everyone's busy with their own 'very important thing to do' and though I probably have a million of those, I still find ample time to upset myself over things that seem minimal to others. HOW? WHY?
'Why are you even crying?' he asks me. I shake my head not knowing what to say. I just say, 'Dude I'm crying cuz you let me go, just like the others' He says 'I was never there'
Yes, wow. That made an awesome difference and I feel a 100 times better.
Who knew that caring too much about someone would hurt you this much? I certainly didn't.
I'm tired of pushing my way through this cold surge of wind that's always from the opposite side. Yes, I maybe a wall, but even a wall breaks when there's too much of pressure from the opposite side.
Think of that.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Tao Of Love
"After a while, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love does not mean leaning and company does not mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses are not contracts and presents are not promises.
And you begin to accept rejection with your head up and your eyes clear, with the grace
of an adult, not the heartache of a child.
And you learn to build your life on now, because tomorrow is too uncertain.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
Plant your own garden and decorate your soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And after a while you learn that you really have infinite worth"
And you learn that love does not mean leaning and company does not mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses are not contracts and presents are not promises.
And you begin to accept rejection with your head up and your eyes clear, with the grace
of an adult, not the heartache of a child.
And you learn to build your life on now, because tomorrow is too uncertain.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
Plant your own garden and decorate your soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And after a while you learn that you really have infinite worth"
Monday, August 8, 2011
Smiley
This might sound funny. But this post is about a smiley faced lollipop.
Yes, it is as simple as it sounds. That piece of heaven I found smiling up at me in an unknown land. I rummaged through a mall, looked all around, found things and then gave up on them, for different reasons every time. But when I lay my eyes on this little candy, I couldn't look away. The more I tried, the more it just sat there and smiled at me. Okay well, let me tell you, I wasn't the only one, obviously. But nevertheless, it caught my eye. I've always had a thing for tiny lollipops, but this particular yellow smiley faced one man, there was something about it really. It didn't ask for my attention, but got it anyway. And when I finally held it in my hands, I found myself smiling too. And boy had it been real long since those muscles had had any movement at all. I opened the wrapper for the first time and I saw Him roll his eyes at me. 'She just needs a distraction' he thought.
Maybe, maybe that's all I needed. He'd never understand. He never had.
That didn't matter. I had you. For now at least.
And you were just right smiley. Not too sweet, and just that right amount of sour.
You lasted for a long time, more than I or anyone else expected you to last for. Through the bitter beer, through the nasty rum, your taste evened it out. Made it taste a little better. Just for a while. Everyone around me saw me getting addicted to you, going on and on about how awesome you were and even when I didn't, my face showed that happiness of a little girl who was ecstatic to find that lollipop after a long dose of bitter medicine.
But somewhere deep down, I knew smiley, I knew that you'd be gone, your sweet sourness will only be a thing I can think about and smile. So I took pictures of you, stole some from others, and kept reminding myself of the smile you brought on my face.
Lines from a song repeated in my head over and over again 'Like everything I've known, you'll disappear one day'
So I looked at you and kept you close to my heart. I didn't open the wrapper for the second time, I didn't dare to, cuz I knew you'd disappear soon enough.
So now, till now, I think of you, whenever life brings me down, whenever you're not around, cuz you brought back the lost child in me baby. You did :)
Yes, it is as simple as it sounds. That piece of heaven I found smiling up at me in an unknown land. I rummaged through a mall, looked all around, found things and then gave up on them, for different reasons every time. But when I lay my eyes on this little candy, I couldn't look away. The more I tried, the more it just sat there and smiled at me. Okay well, let me tell you, I wasn't the only one, obviously. But nevertheless, it caught my eye. I've always had a thing for tiny lollipops, but this particular yellow smiley faced one man, there was something about it really. It didn't ask for my attention, but got it anyway. And when I finally held it in my hands, I found myself smiling too. And boy had it been real long since those muscles had had any movement at all. I opened the wrapper for the first time and I saw Him roll his eyes at me. 'She just needs a distraction' he thought.
Maybe, maybe that's all I needed. He'd never understand. He never had.
That didn't matter. I had you. For now at least.
And you were just right smiley. Not too sweet, and just that right amount of sour.
You lasted for a long time, more than I or anyone else expected you to last for. Through the bitter beer, through the nasty rum, your taste evened it out. Made it taste a little better. Just for a while. Everyone around me saw me getting addicted to you, going on and on about how awesome you were and even when I didn't, my face showed that happiness of a little girl who was ecstatic to find that lollipop after a long dose of bitter medicine.
But somewhere deep down, I knew smiley, I knew that you'd be gone, your sweet sourness will only be a thing I can think about and smile. So I took pictures of you, stole some from others, and kept reminding myself of the smile you brought on my face.
Lines from a song repeated in my head over and over again 'Like everything I've known, you'll disappear one day'
So I looked at you and kept you close to my heart. I didn't open the wrapper for the second time, I didn't dare to, cuz I knew you'd disappear soon enough.
So now, till now, I think of you, whenever life brings me down, whenever you're not around, cuz you brought back the lost child in me baby. You did :)
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