Grains of Sand

I walk with my hands in my pockets, looking around, hoping no one is noticing the change of expressions on my face or the twitching of my mouth every now and then. I'm hiding beneath my hair, always letting it down, so that it covers imperfections and sometimes tears.
This is probably the happiest phase of my life, but I can't get myself to put my hands out in the air and embrace it. Instead, my hands remain in my pocket where I finger a tiny shell and some sand. The shell upsets me but reminds me of times which were beautiful and calm, two things which are seeming lost in my life for a while now. It puts me in a place that was my paradise. Standing in an old rusted lighthouse and looking at the dark clouds that were approaching us.. we didn't care. We had each other then. Ofcourse we did, because when it rained, you covered me with your jacket, hugged me tight and bundled me up in the car. Warmth of that sort, no, I haven't felt it since then. In the dark of the night, when all I can do is think, I think about you and that one night.
I've forgiven you though, for letting me go, just like they said you would. We got too busy for each other I guess- the excuse I've made up when people ask me. It hurts, but I'll be fine. We had our time and space, and hopefully someday, we'll feel that way again.

The sand in my pockets on the other hand is something that refuses to get out. There's sand in my shoes, some in my pockets, in my bag and hair and everywhere. Tiny reminiscences here and there, reminding me every moment that there aren't things I've let go off. People and memories who don't deserve my time anymore, but are still occupying space in my already crammed head. Exactly a month back, someone told me that 80% of the way we feel generally is because of the 20% of the people in our life. Negative, that's how I feel. I'm letting their poison seep into my world even though they aren't a part of it anymore. Unhappiness, insecurity, stress are slowly becoming a part of my life.

If only I could get rid of the damn sand.

Detox, cleansing, rebirth even. What is the answer out? Help? Anyone?